A microfiction podcast about being lost at sea at the end of the world
About
February has always wanted to lose themselves in the ocean. Now they have, but it isn't exactly what they had in mind...Having ostensibly missed the end of the world somehow, February is the captain and sole crew member of a longline vessel called the Zenith, drifting around the Pacific Ocean in search for... something. But the stars are gone, the oceans make no sense, their compass has forgotten where north is, and no one is coming to help.Then they meet a marine biologist atop a sinking lighthouse, and everything they thought they knew about the world (which wasn't much to begin with) changes in an instant.A tale of oceans, haunting, exploration and queerness.
The Team
All At Sea is written and produced by the Making up Leeway team
Noah (they/them) is the writer of All At Sea and the voice of February. They're currently in the process of completing their MA in English Literature, which focuses on the importance of the found family trope in queer, POC-led narratives. When they're not drowning in books or literary analysis, you can find them staring blearily at a blank Word Doc, or drowning in all the different audio dramas they still need to listen to.
Scotchy (any pronouns) is a producer of All At Sea and the voice of Sturgeon. They found their passion for podcasting through working on The Hermit Archives as an editor and minor character, and can't wait to bring more sounds and noises right to your eardrums. When he isn't splicing voice lines for enrichment, or surviving the horrors of academia, Scotchy can be found making music, crocheting, or fishing around for a new hobby to try out.
Louis Wolf (he/they) is a producer of All At Sea, he is a disabled artist/actor based in Colorado. Doing theatre in high school helped to reveal his passion for storytelling, specifically with acting and directing. This has fed in well to a love of dnd. When not playing ttrpgs with friends, Louis can be found playing video games, yelling about superheroes, or watching bird documentaries with their cat. Louis is the assistant producer of Soul Operator, you can hear them as Alex in episode eight of The Grotto and Athena in the upcoming audio drama Forged Bonds. He is creator of upcoming talking head podcast Media Microscope.
Rowan Odom (they/them) Rowan is a non-binary creator whose passion lies in creating stories in a post-Covid world, specifically those filled with queerness, love, and horror. They also make time for D&D and random crafts in their spare time!
They are one of the Strangers of Twin Strangers Productions and the creator of the studio’s first AD, Syntax. They are also the main editor in the upcoming Rites of Descendancy and can be heard as a voice in The Moon Crown as Aria, and Syntax as Elora.
Rusty Cornmagnate (he/they) 20 y/o artist and graphic designer, author of visuals for All At Sea
El Carters (they/them) is our transcriber & beta-reader/listener.
Creative writing graduate from Poland who fell in love with the audio drama format in 2022. Since then they have been getting involved in some projects (like this one) & writing their own show - Nightpocalypse. When not writing, El likes to indulge in some sewing, soundscaping, DnD, media consumption, and various arts and crafts.
Contact:
Yell into a conch shell and your voice will be carried to us.
Nothing here yet! But if you look on the horizon... you might see something approaching...
Transcripts
All At SeaTrailer #1Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN][Continued sounds of: sea waves crashing, ship creaking and echoing]
[Button clicks]
[Radio static]
[Continued electric buzzing]FEBRUARY:
Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, this is the Zenith. Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, this is the Zenith,this is the Zenith, I-
My-My position is-[panicked noise, sob]My- I don’t know where my position is, I don’t-
I don’t know! I don’t know where I am. T-The nav systems are out of whack, I can’t- I can't read them-
Shit![Click]
[Radio static]
[Button click]
[Continued electric buzzing again]FEBRUARY:[calmer] Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, this is the Zenith. This is the Zenith. Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, this is the Zenith. I am unsure of my position, navigation systems down. My vessel is… my- my vessel is somehow still afloat, but I-I don’t know how much longer that will be, I-I- I have…[panicked breath, a sob]I am the only one aboard.[pause]Please. Anyone? Can you hear me?[pause]Please! Anyone, can you hear me? Anyone?[FADE OUT/FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: Floodwater]ANNOUNCER:All At Sea is a microfiction podcast about being lost at sea at the end of the world.
This is a tale of hauntings, oceans, exploration and queerness.
Noah Bell is our writer and the voice of February.
Original music for the show was composed by ButterScotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art was designed by Rusty.[pause]All At Sea. Coming to you Fall 2024.
Thank you for your support and we’ll see you… very soon.[Music ends/Sea waves crashing]
[FADE OUT]
[END]
Places to Listen
All At SeaEpisode #1
“CAPTAIN’S LOG: 1”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log - First Entry[FADE OUT][Recorder clicks][Muted, continued sounds of: sea waves, ship creaking]FEBRUARY:
Captain’s log. Ah uh. Cap- Captain’s log- C-captain’s log? Captain’s log.
Um…
Yeah, okay, just like that. Yeah, ok.
Captain’s Log. Today’s date: the 21st of Who The Fuck Knows, in the year of our lilly-livered, obtuse overlord, number… one million and ninety-three![laugh turning into a long tired sigh]Uhhhh…
Keep to protocol, Feb. Keeping a record is important, Feb. This will be important later, Feb. Feb, why are you asleep in the crow’s nest, Feb? All of this will be incredibly important for when you get stuck in the open sea for no good reason when all your navigation systems are fried and even your compass is spinning around fast enough to give you vertigo, Feb!
Oh, and you’re also going to have to solo command a ship through a storm, Feb! Hyuh…[pause]Yea- well…
I could do with a warning next time.
Maybe…?[short pause]Not that anyone could have warned me…
I mean, I guess Ika-
Mh, well…
Would you look at that. Waffling.[quick breath in]Though I suppose I can allow myself the waffle-wiggle room, since this, um- memorandum, log, notation – whatever – it… well it is the first time I think I’ve spoken in… well, I- I don’t know how long? Which is kind of the point, because like I said, they never warned me about this kind of nonsense.
Nobody ever thinks to cover what to do when all your equipment takes a long walk off a short gangplank. Weh- Except my little trusty field recorder.[short pause]And I would laugh in Sam’s face if I could, which I can’t.
And laughing maniacally into my captain’s log seems pretty pathetic, so… I’ll make the executive decision not to… not do that.[short pause][inhale, sigh]Well! Let me do this nice and proper, why don’t I? Protocol, folk!
Captainnnnnnn’sssss….
Psh- Eh, yeah. Who am I kidding.
As for the date, I really, truly have no idea what it is. The cloud cover has blocked out not only the stars but has blotted out the sun as well. Which means if I don’t die of scurvy, the vitamin D deficiency will no doubt addle my mind.
My dad used to say that he could tell when I hadn’t seen the sun, because my depression would worsen. Which, you know… Thanks dad, fork found in kitchen![short laugh]Anyway – yeah. The cloud cover and the screwy stuff with the equipment has made it so I really don’t know how long I’ve been drifting. I don’t know how to describe this in a way that makes sense, really.[short pause]There is nothing for me to look at. Nothing that I can use to orient myself. Sky’s blocked out, we’ve covered that, but as far as landmasses go? Nothing. No-thing!
Clouds and water, that’s it.
No morning mist over the sea - though I suppose the no-sun thing has its part in that particular lack of phenomena.
My food stores seem fine? But I’ve been rationing pretty scrupulously because starvation is not something that I look forward to.
So I can’t rely on my eating habits.
Not that I was any good at keeping an eating schedule before this happened, but you know. In the here and now, it’s not helping me figure out any regulated day-night cycle.
The waters have been calm, for a change, which did prompt me to try the radio again.[shuffles forward, grabs radio][A button click][Radio static, distorted whine][A button clicks, the radio is shut off]FEBRUARY:
Ymm, yeah, no.
Since my recorder works fine, I don’t think it’s the moisture that got to the tech, which, if that were the case, what a colossal oversight from the people who installed these tin cans.
It did remind me of this one Tintin comic I read way back. I can’t remember the name - it happened in multiple books I’m sure – where the one ship uses a morse code… machine? They used it when Tintin, Snowy and… some professor guy escaped or fall overboard some ship that was transporting them in coffins.
Don’t quote me on that-
Anyway, the communications they used – I… think it’s called radiotelegraphy? Radio telegraphy? Radio- Radiotelegraphy, yeah. But don’t quote me on that either.
[short sigh]
It made me wonder-
If I still had that installed in this uncommunicative junk heap, would I have been able to call out for someone? Or- or would it, too, have broken down?[long pause]Maybe if I try the-[Button click][Radio static again that is quickly cut off]FEBRUARY:
[deep sigh][exhausted] End log.[Recorder click off][FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
If you rate and review us on your favorite podcatcher you get one invisible seashell.
Please find us on Tumblr and Twitter at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening.
YIPPIE 🙂[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At Sea
Episode #2
“CAPTAIN’S LOG: 2nd Entry”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log - Second Entry[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks]
[Muted, continued sounds of: sea waves, ship creaking]FEBRUARY:Becalmed.
I've been thinking a lot about that word - becalmed. The state of being unable to move because of a lack of wind.
Well, I can't speak for anyone else but if I was stuck in an unmoving ship at sea I certainly wouldn't be calm.[awkward pause]It’s a real knee-slapper, that one.[pause][tired] Why am I like this?[Recorder clicks off]
[Recorder clicks on again]FEBRUARY:
[imitating a news anchor voice]
Captain's log. Today is the 111th of “Shit, I’m Still Alive?” In the approximate year 2049. In today’s report, the waters seem sufficiently watery. They haven’t watered any less water since the last time I checked if the waters watered correctly, which was approximately one minute ago when I stared over the side of the boat wondering how long it would take me to sink to the bottom of the ocean if I put exactly one can of beans in my raincoat.[stops imitating a news anchor]Of course I probably wouldn’t sink. Just do a lot of tragic bobbing around, buoyed nonconsensually by the salt water. Beans, believe it or not, aren’t that great at weighing you down a whole lot. Which, you know, isn’t great, if your goal is to sink to the bottom of the ocean, but of course it depends, like so many things do, on the facts.
Come to think of it-
[scoff]-I actually would probably be sinking down to the bottom of the ocean. I’m nowhere near tropical waters, so the cold water ought to sort of… fight against the bacteria that causes the gas which causes the bloating which brings you up to the surface, et cetera, et cetera…
So instead, ha-ha, of being buffeted by the waves, you get to hit the sand like the new hot commodity in town![short pause]But then again, what if it’s a really anticlimactic depth? You know, you sink down and instead of dropping down into a trench you just… Hit the sand.
The most embarrassing corpse to ever sink in the Pacific Ocean – which famously has many trenches – and you’ve already passed out, because… you know, you were bludgeoned over the head before walking the plank or whatever? It’s not like you were only weighed down by a can of Schrodinger’s expired beans. But it’s not even out of the range of sunlight so you’re just drifting around in the sand!
After a few weeks your skin starts becoming more of a suit than attached to your body in any super adhesive way, and sharks come and sniff at you and decide you’re wholly and totally unappealing, so they bugger off to find something more delicious to eat. The crabs come to crawl all over you, and the lice start snacking on you.
But you know what? Maybe they are also uninterested in your fleshy bits. Until some poor scuba diver shows up and becomes horrifically traumatized by your being there.[long pause]Gods!
Maybe it’s a good thing I’m not becalmed.
Nope, not becalmed.
Just directionless.
Yep.
Just… directionless.
That’s… all.[short pause]End log.[Recorded click off]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
Rate and review us on your favorite podcatcher for one can of Schrodinger’s expired beans.
Find us on Twitter and Tumblr at All At Sea Pod.
And thank you for listening. 🙂[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #3
“CAPTAIN’S LOG: 3rd Entry”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log - Third Entry[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks]
[water sloshing around]
[Continued calm wind at sea]FEBRUARY:
Captain’s log. It’s the 29th of March in the year of nothing at all, number two-hundred and ninety seven.
[water sloshing around]
I would like to state for the record that I know I technically can’t be becalmed. This is not a sailboat. I have a whole entire, state of the art, 21st century engine.[water sloshing around]Actually, I tell a lie. I can be becalmed, and also anyone who calls this motor constructed from aluminum foil and duct tape ‘state of the art’-[water sloshing around]-needs to get their eyes checked.
I know that technically and per definition I can’t be becalmed, because of the previously mentioned not-being-a-sailboat detail, but I still run the very real risk of not having any more fuel. No fuel means no movement and this thing–[thunk of a boot kicking the ship]– has no oars to speak of. Or sails for that matter. Even if it had oars, I’d have to have some pretty insane wingspan to be able to row this thing. Not to mention super strength, which, last I checked, I woefully lack. And I have no sails. Did I mention?[water sloshing around]Well, yes. I have no sails. Which doesn’t take away from my becalm-ability, as I mentioned before.[pause]Anyway…
I… do have enough fuel, I’m in no danger of running out any time soon, at least…
Hold on.[footsteps on deck]
[door opens]
[footsteps]
[door closes]
[continued sounds of calm wind on the ocean dampen]
[footsteps on metal stairs]
[fading in, continued: hum of machinery and running pipes]
[footsteps on wooden stairs]
[step on a metal grate]
[opening a fuel tank cover]
[sound echoes]FEBRUARY:
Yep, more than enough in the tank-
(under their breath) -for some reason…
And I have a spare tank in the hold. After just… swimming around in this nonsensical soup of nonsensical time, of just boating around, hoping to find land – I decided to nix the engine - um,for now.
Or, well, I’ve nixed the engine for about… hmm… um,ten or so ‘nights’?
I’ve said this before, but I suppose it bears repeating just for integrity’s sake - there is nothing around me.
No landmasses, no wayward conveniently positioned lighthouses like in a proper story, nothing.
So I’ve decided to just drift. For a while.
Of course,there was the storm before the aimless boating, so, I could do with a little drifting.
Maybe.
Maybe I’ll chance upon another vessel out here,my knights in shining steel hull shorts.
Nevermind the fact that I haven’t seen any of those, either. Or the fact that despite sending off almost all of our flares at different points during this journey, I haven’t seen anything.
(scoff)
No return signal, no lights in the dark.
I don’t even know if those flares were even seen, you know?
The sky just seemed to… swallow them up after I shot them. Even I lost sight of them once they left my immediate field of vision.[pause]
[Static crackles in the background]FEBRUARY:
[sniffle]
End log.[Recorder click off]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
Rate and review us on your favorite podcatcher for an inexplicably infinite fuel source.
Please find us on Twitter and Tumblr at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening.[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #4
“CAPTAIN’S LOG: 4”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log - Fourth Entry
[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks]
[Continued: sounds of waves hitting the ship and overall out at sea ambience]FEBRUARY:
Captain’s log. Today is the one millionth and second iteration of the month of “Hm? What’s That Again?” In the year of our sogginess, ten. Yeah, that’s it. Ten. Ten before or after what, you may be asking, and to that I say: stop talking to me, you’re a mirage, get back to the desert.
Though, I’m pretty sure that you can get mirage-adjacent phenomena on the sea?
Probably. I wouldn’t know, though, I stopped looking out at the horizon a-long time ago.[sigh-laugh]
[short pause]When I was a kid, I used to say things like “I’m going to throw myself into the sea” whenever I felt particularly exasperated? It seemed like a good idea at the time. To forgo all of the world’s weary reality to toss myself into the waves. Salt spray in my face. And in my eyes and nose, which would be less pleasant, but still.[chuckle]I don’t know, I think I thought the cold shock of the sea could fix me. Well now I’ve got nothing-
[voice rising, a bit away from the recorder] BUT sea, and NOTHING has become ANY better![pause]
[long sighs]
I’m sorry.[Recorder clicks off]
[Recorder clicks back on]FEBRUARY:
Captain’s log-
[short sigh]
-continued.
It’s not all bad. Really. I mean- I mean, it could be so much worse?
I’ve never been someone to complain about being by myself. Introverted, I guess you could say? Whenever I said that to anyone, they’d look at me funny, like they think I’d be lying? Why would someone lie about being introverted? Do they think it makes them seem cool, or edgy, or something? Some-
(mocking tone) “I don’t need anybody, I’m such a brave and strong and mysterious lone wolf” (back to normal tone) shtick?
Gotta be, right? Everybody thinks the way to appear interesting is by being dark and unapproachable.
Well, you know, maybe - if you’re the love interest in some faerie smut novel.
But not in real life. In real life, people are drawn to those who just… glow.[chuckle]Not all the time, mind you, but most of the time. There are some people in this world that, when you talk to them, it feels like their names are written in the stars and everyone can see it.
You’d be hard pressed to find a single person say a single bad word about them, and for good reason.
It must be like… a kindness, I think.[pause]At least, it’s that to me. Of course you find your aloof individualist types, and they have their own allure – kind of like in The Secret History, but with less murder and incest.
People gravitate to them too, that un-attainability, exclusivity. But the allure only lasts for so long as that un-attainability does. As soon as you understand them, their hypnotizing pull just falls apart.[pause]And I’ve never been interested in those kinds of people. Like I said, for me it’s always just been those people who just… oh, gods, how to explain it? I mean, suppose I already have in some ways, but-
I don’t know.
I just can’t seem to get the words right!
But they just glow.
Radiating warmth, and kindness, and they inspire hope in a way that could just drive you to tears thinking about it.[short pause]Avalon was like that.
Someone who just… glowed.[long pause]Anyway. I’ve gotten so distracted.
Like I said, I’m introverted. But I think people don’t believe me because I’m not shy?
I find it easy enough to talk to people, if I have to, I can put on a face, and be sociable, but it drains me, and so, I need to be alone sometimes.
But I am also someone who needs to… see people.
If I don’t, I get all in my head about everything, which makes me anxious, which makes the world around me go all fuzzy and strange, and then before I know it, I’m… just… drifting?
This drifting, it’s not the same as that childish ‘flinging myself into the sea of my own volition’. There’s no shock of cold water, no sting of salt-spray. Instead of being washed off your feet by a wave crashing over the prow of a ship, it’s like I’m on… a raft. Taken by the wind and the waves.
Except, I can’t feel the waves.
I- I know they’re there, I can sense their movement. But I- but I can’t feel them.
To reach out, to try and touch the waters… is to-
Is to plummet.
You know, like when you fall from a height in a dream, the dreamscape-impact shakes you awake?
Until I am taken by the waves again.
Now… all I see is the ocean. The waves. I feel them now, buffeting me around. But sometimes, I don’t know what’s real anymore. Is this my mind? Or is this my reality?[A long pause as we hear the water lapping at the ship more]FEBRUARY:
[slight echo]
Avalon… they– well…
[short chuckle]
They knew how to reach through the mists.
I think some part of me is waiting for him to do it, even now. Like, if I wish it into existence, they’ll rise up from the sea, step onto this boat, and offer me their hand.
[slight echo fading away]
But this isn’t my mind. And these are not my dreams.
End log.[Recorder clicks off]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
Rate and review us on your favorite podcatcher for one spritz of sea mist.😊
Please find us on Twitter and Tumblr at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening.[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #5
“CAPTAIN’S LOG: 5”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log - Fifth Entry[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks]
[Continued: sounds of waves calmly hitting the ship, general at sea ambience]
[Recorder placed on the wooden deck]
[Ruffling of paper, pages being turned]FEBRUARY:Drowning is not so pitiful
as the attempt to rise.
Three times,‘tis said, a sinking man
comes up to face the skies,
and then declines forever
to that abhorred abode
where hope and he part company
for he is grasped of God.
The Maker’s cordial visage,
However good to see,
is shunned, we must admit it,
like an adversity.[The waves lap against the ship]
[Book snapped shut]
[Scuffling noises - recorder being picked up]
[Recorder clicks off]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
Rate and review us on your favorite podcatcher for one scrap of paper with an Emili Dickinson poem on it. 😊
Find us on Twitter and Tumblr at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening.[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #6
“CAPTAIN’S LOG: 6”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log - Sixth Entry[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks]
[Continued: sounds of waves calmly hitting the ship, general at sea ambience]
[Recorder placed on the wooden deck]
[Some stumbling steps]FEBRUARY:
Who fears death? Certainly not I, your brave and valiant captain Februarious Pippenpaddleopsicopolis The Highly Fortuitous Twenty-Fourth!
Why am I the fortuitous you may ask?
Well you see, my dear fishbone lying on the deck, it is because every single one of the twenty-three who came before suffered the most gruesome, horrific, downright unspeakable death that you can imagine.
Which makes them quite unfortuitous indeed.
I have lived through many a trial, overcome many a tribulation and there are none who face the waters of the Pacific quite like I. None have withstood their pull and conquered their unknowable majesty!
I live on, even in the debris of many ended lives. Why are you only hearing of me and my miraculous escape from unfortuitous death right now?
Stop asking questions. Take a hike.[Fabric rustling followed by the fishbone being picked up and dropped into the water]FEBRUARY:
Good riddance. She was going to start a mutiny. I could sense it with my third eye.[short pause]Though… I don’t know why she’d want to mutin-me.[awkward pause]
[hands clap]FEBRUARY:
Good one, Feb. Good one.[Recorder clicks off]
[Recorder clicks back on]FEBRUARY:
Captain’s log! Today is the 5th of the 16th of the 19th of the 12th month in the 16th of the 17th year of our lord. Happy new years!
“February!”, I don’t hear you asking, “how would you know if it was New Years?” And to that I say, I don’t know, and isn’t that so wonderful! The human condition!
New Years. What a concept![pause]I did do the math. Shock horror, I know. Math? Me? Who would have thought. Certainly not I.
Of course, like I said, I have no idea how much time has passed since we set sail.
Date of launch was the 2nd of June, 2038. Really, the day was unremarkable, for the most part. We loaded the Zenith, double checked all our lines, stocked the freezer and pantry, stacked the nets, kicked the hull, swept the deck and the hold.
I remember Lily at the docks saying something about the news, they’d reported storms… somewhere.[scoff]I only listened with half an ear anyway. That’s all they’d been reporting on for the past year. Storms. Water levels rising. Same old same old. Practically quotidian, as my professor at uni used to say.
That it started out as a phenomena that made every Tom, Dick and Harry get their boxers in a twist, had become absolutely quotidian.
The point is – Laufey said that we would go out, so we did. We were out here for just shy of a fortnight before everything went to hell.[short pause]SO–![as February talks: sound of them getting up and walking the deck]FEBRUARY:I checked the engines.[pause]Well… First I checked the solar-generators, like I haven’t been obsessively doing that for the time I’ve been here, but this time it was for science.[Footsteps stop]FEBRUARY:
The Zenith is supposed to be able to be out on the waters for four weeks without refueling. And that’s when we’re out during the winter, so our A season, from January to March.
But, like I said before, we set out at the start of June, which meant we– I was supposed to be able to rely on only solar power for the duration of the season. So… technically no need for refueling, not accounting for stops to offload the catch. But fuel is always there as a backup, for the worst case scenario. Which is rain, obviously.
But like I said before, we– I was two weeks out before time suddenly got all je ne sais quoi on my ass - on account of the skies being covered, like I said, and the torrential rain – did I mention the torrential rain that I had while trying to navigate this dead horse of a craft!
So I had no idea how far or long I'd traveled.[pause]Anyway, I checked the solar generators and they’re fine. At least, structurally they are. The battery is fully drained.
Then I checked the fuel generators, did the math, aaand according to what I’ve calculated, I’ve a good two and a half weeks of fuel left, which makes absolutely no sense. And I mean, none.
I might not be keeping by any naturally ordained day-night cycle, but I sure as hell have slept more ‘nights’ than just half a week.
[scoff-laughing] Gods! Slap two of every animal on my deck, paint rainbows on my nipples and call me Noah, because forty days and forty nights sounds like exactly how long I’ve been here![Quiet crackle of static]FEBRUARY:
(increasingly agitated) It doesn’t make sense! None of this makes sense! It has never made sense! Egh- End log.[Recorder clicks off]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
One rate and review equals one mutinous fishbone thrown overboard!🏴☠️
Find us on Twitter and Tumblr at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening. 😊[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #7
“CAPTAIN’S LOG: 7”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme - it goes wrong: slowing down, breaking up into static]
[Doors open]
[Digital recording sound on]
[Continued, muted: wind whistling, the rustle of trees]
[Continued: static rushing in and out]LOLA:
So… if you hear this, I went walking.
That probably doesn’t sound that bad, right? Lola went for a walk. She’ll be back soon.
I don’t know how to explain that…
[reverbing] I know I won’t be coming back.
It’s like this persistent voice at the back of your head, like when someone moves all the furniture in your house an inch to the left, you just–
[reverbing, distorted] something is wrong, but you don’t know what.
You don’t fit into this space, your home, the way you’re supposed to.
It’s like, this world is falling apart and I’m supposed to find where I fit in the jigsaw, except it’s been shaken up in the box and I’m missing a corner piece.I have this urge to just… walk.
To just open the door and see where my feet take me. I know they’d find their way. I can feel the itch in my limbs, this restless feeling whenever I try to sleep, like my bones are singing, like if I don’t move, they’ll vibrate right through my flesh and keep on dancing.[short pause]LOLA:
And there are these voices…
[echoey] “Come away, o human child, to the waters and the wild, with a faery, hand in hand, for the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.”
Okay. Okay.[short pause]
[Quiet footsteps]
[Front doors open - hailing wind, rustling of leaves intensifies]
[Footsteps - Lola walks out]
[Front doors close]
[Digital recording sound off]TRAILER SWAP ANNOUNCER:
The Attic Monologues is an urban fantasy horror podcast focused on fates, friends to lovers and feathered friends. Follow us into the forest with season 2B,beginning July 31st.[Distorted audio static]
[Shed doors being closed and locked]
[FADE IN][♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme transitioning from wrong & distorted to regular]
[Sounds of waves]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log - Seventh Entry[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks]
[Continued: muted at sea ambience in the background, sea waves hitting the ship]
[Fabric rustling]FEBRUARY:
Captain’s log. The somethingth somethingth, of the month of whatchamcallit, in the year of… who cares. Really.[Pause]
[Fabric rustling]FEBRUARY:
I’ve been thinking about voicemails.[breath]Not that I was ever anyone who got left many voicemails, mind you.
I’m still kind of convinced that people listening to vitally important, emotionally gripping or plot-relevant voicemails is something that only ever happens in movies? I’ve never received a voicemail. Hell, I never really received all that many phone calls in the first place?
If I was doing something online with friends, the call was scheduled, and so it was something we were both aware of – so no need for a voicemail there.
The only other times I’d get calls from friends was because I hadn’t answered the “where are you?” text on a trip, or a night out.
Still, those moments were few and far between. Certainly no voicemails.The only other calls I could never prepare for were those made by my dads, or my grandma, but neither of my dads ever left any voicemails? If I didn’t pick up, one of them would text me, or the other would send an email. And really, they called pretty often, made sure to know when my seasons started and ended, asked after me in the months I wasn’t at sea, so if I didn’t answer the phone it wasn’t the end of the world and nothing worth leaving a voicemail over.[Fabric rustling]FEBRUARY:
Gran… well, she only ever called to hear:
[imitating an old woman] “When do you plan on coming back to South Africa, young sir? Your father never wants to drink Earl Gray with me.”
[close to laughing] If I didn't pick up the phone, I’d get an earful whenever I did answer.
To be fair to her though, that was her favorite past-time – giving me an earful. About anything, really. Such things she could never leave to the perceived impersonality of a voicemail. She wanted to hear my voice. And she wanted to see me.
Video calls only.
[pause]
So, yeah.
And of course, me being me, the fact that I wasn’t often the recipient of phone calls from loved ones meant that I couldn’t possibly call them first, that would violate the terms of my brain’s little ‘Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Be Too Much’ protocol that probably drove more people away than kept them close to me, in the end?
But I think the point still stands.
I don’t know of many people who still receive voicemails.
It lives in my mind as a phenomenon relegated back to old 2010 TV serials? Like my dads used to watch in their early 30s? Which they tried to get me to love. And I did, but… only whenever I was watching it with them.
In those shows, it always seemed like people were getting left important messages on voicemail, or, even, depending on how old the show was, there would be critical messages left on the answering machine.[thump]We had a landline in our home.
I know, a landline?
In this day and age?
But my dad didn’t like cellphones. He said it “kept him anxious”, and that he didn’t want to be “so easy to reach”. Any questions about what we would do if something happened to him, or we needed him…[short pause]He’d just answer by saying: “people have lived a longer time without cellphones than with them. They made it out just fine”.
So a lot of my memories of dad are handwritten notes taped to my door, stuck to the fridge, left scrawled on a notepad – you guessed it – by the landline.
It worked well enough.
He was the least anxious person I ever knew. But I don’t know if the whole phone thing is entirely to commend for that.Anyway. Not… really the point I guess.
He didn’t get left any voicemails either, but it wasn’t a perfect system.
He went on a hiking trip, my dad. Up in the Drakensberg?
It wasn’t his first time, he had done it before with Gran when she was younger, he even dragged me up to smell that fresh mountain air – but he was going it alone this time. No phone, no satellite phone either. Just him and his backpack.[short pause]And then he didn’t call home when he was supposed to. And we didn’t know how to get in contact with him.
My father was frantic – called the lodge to ask about where his husband was, did they have a man called Ben, Bently March? And they said yes, a Bently March was booked with them, they were aware of him. And I have never seen my father lose his calm as much as he did that day over the phone. Demanding they send a search party to check for Ben, he gave them the trail he had said he would be walking and everything.[short pause]
[Fabric rustle]FEBRUARY:
Father and I took the first flight out of Cape Town. By the time we got there, they had found him and relocated him to a hospital. He had taken a misstep, snapped his femur right in half. Luckily he had the good sense to not try and move too far from the trail, experienced climber and all. But he’d had to find a rock overhang to find shelter from the rains.
There weren’t many hikers that time of year, which is why he had gone undiscovered for so long. And other than the femur, he was fine.
[laughing] And it didn’t make him acquire a phone either, despite my father’s insistence.
[imitating Ben March] “Timothy March, I knew you’d find me, didn’t I?”
That’s what he said. Father was real angry at him for that one, but… it was true enough. We didn’t even have to receive a cryptic, plot-relevant voicemail for us to know something was wrong, and that we’d have to run to the rescue.
But then again… if the worst had happened, we wouldn’t have had any voicemails to listen to, over and over again, until our friends started to worry and tell us
[feigned American accent, imitating a friend] “You gotta move on”.
It would have been little comfort anyway, thinking about it now.
And there would have been better things to remember him by than a voicemail.
I certainly never left any voicemails.
But if I did, I wonder if anyone would listen to them?
If anyone is out there looking for me or…[uneven breath]Or if they’ve all just assumed I’m dead.
End log.[Recorder clicks off]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
Rate and review us on your favorite podcatcher for a nice, warm cup of Gran’s earl gray tea.
Please, find us on Twitter and Tumblr at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening. 😊
[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #8
“Captain’s Log: 8”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log: 8th Entry[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks on]
[Continued: Sounds of water and the sea]
[Footsteps on deck, fabric rustling]FEBRUARY:
Captain’s log. Today is the 15th of March, 44 BCE.
Yeah, that’s right. Julius Caesar is alive, and he’s about to bite it. Spectacularly.
He shouldn’t have anything to worry about though, the same soothsayer who warned him about the stabbing also prophesied that this totally wouldn’t be an event remembered in history at all.
I don’t think the soothsayer accounted for Tumblr though, but - who can blame them.You might think I bring up this date as relevant to my life in some way. The return of that mutinous fishbone, perhaps?
Well, you would be wrong, I snapped that fishbone and she will not be returning.
(ominously) Ever.
Well. I suppose I didn’t really snap it, I just… kinda threw her in the general that-way direction.Well, what was taken from the sea has been justly returned to the sea, and I am safe.
As safe as I can be.
Though I did survive those storms, so really, my track record is phenomenal!
Immortal until proven mortal, I suppose.
Or perhaps I’m just… so lucky.[Footsteps cease]
[Fabric squeak as it brushes against a metal railing]FEBRUARY:
You know who wasn’t lucky though?
Julius Caesar, yeah.
Imagine getting stabbed by your best friend, and he didn’t even have the gall to make it homoerotic. With the dagger under the chin and the tilt of the head.
Nah, he brought 60 other guys to come and help him.
Now, I hear you, I hear you - what could be more homoerotic than being stabbed by 60 men?
And to that I say – c’mon, stabbed by 60 men? That isn’t homoerotic, it’s just a mob – and secondly, he was only stabbed 23 times. Brutus might have stabbed him 10 of those times, you never know.
“Et tu Brutus” is pretty gay though, I’ll give him that.
Though we can’t really give that one to Caesar either? Gotta give it to ol’ Willy Shakes, which tracks, considering he wrote Hamlet. And Hamlet was plenty gay.[Fabric rustling]FEBRUARY:
Imagine. Imagine though. Being betrayed in that way? Nahh, couldn’t be me.
I’d never become the charismatic and capable dictator ruler of ancient Rome and then get stabbed by people who want me out of power. Umm, no, no.
I’d never give them the chance to even get to know me. You see, I have perfected the art of never having any real connections to anyone.
The trick is, of course, that you gotta really yearn for connection. Now - stay with me, that seems counterintuitive but I promise we’ll make it make sense. You gotta really yearn for connection. And I do mean yearn. You just… don’t want to be so lonely anymore. Then, you find friends. Feel loved. But then, critically, start doubting whether they love you or not, because they didn’t tell you something or they never talk about their feelings, or confide their vulnerabilities and you do that all the time. Or they don’t reach out to you first, and somehow you’re always the one asking to see them.
And then, you just have to feel SO lonely. Lonely enough that you think “oh, I couldn’t reach out to them. I need to keep all of my feelings right here, in my chest–[Hand hits jacket fabric]–and never divulge them”. This will create a rift that exists only in your mind. And, once you have this rift, you can just stop reaching out to the people you love, and when they don’t notice and don’t reach out back, you can feel fully vindicated that you were never loved in the first place.
[Fabric rustle as Feb puts their hand down]
If you follow these easy steps, you might be desperately sad, and yearn for connection, but at least you won’t get murdered by the Roman senate, because nobody knew you well enough to care that you were there in the first place.[Pause]FEBRUARY:
Key is, of course, to never let it slip – your yearning. Or your desperation for connection. Or people will know you. Know your pain. And then you’ll look pathetic, like you’re seeking attention, which, obviously not, not in THAT way. Not in a way that begs for recognition or for EVERYONE in the world to look at you.
No, no. Just one person. That would be… that would be enough.
Because of course, otherwise, you also run the risk of getting murdered by the Roman senate! And how embarrassing would it be to get murdered by the Roman senate, clutching at the robes of your friend, asking them if, really, really, were you a part of this too?!
That just sounds like an anxious attachment style to me.[Long pause]
[Fabric rustling]FEBRUARY:
Of course, if you live long enough, you always have the opportunity to get lost at sea, and then there will be nobody there to feel sorry for you, and you won’t have to worry about anybody who will judge you for being so insecure! And then you don’t have to face those aspects of yourself at all.
You can excise your emotional core, feed it to the sea, watch it sink beneath the waves where nothing lurks. No creatures, no plants, and certainly no light.
[pause]
“Good riddance,” you’ll say to yourself. Because really, there is nothing else and nobody else. And there never will be.
[somber pause]
I mean, there are some knives here, but I’m pretty sure I’m far away from the Roman senate.
[short pause]
End log.[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
Rate and review us on your podcatcher for one conveniently placed lighthouse.
Find us on Twitter and Tumblr at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening.[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #7.5
“PHONE LOG: Missed Call - Avalon”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Phone Log: Missed Call - Avalon[FADE OUT]
[FADE IN]
[Continued: Raining sounds]
[phone calling sound]
[Beep]FEBRUARY:
[recorded voicemail message] Hey, this is Feb. If you’re hearing this I’m probab–[call end beep]
[smartphone taps]
[dialing]
[phone calling]
[beep]FEBRUARY:
[recorded voicemail message] Hey, this is Feb. If you’re hearing this I’m probably out at sea. Shoot me a text or leave me a message and I’ll get back to you.[message beep]AVALON:
No. Nonono– Feb, pick up–[low beep]ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Message deleted.[smartphone tap]
[dialling]
[phone calling]
[beep]FEBRUARY:
[recorded voicemail message] Hey, this is Feb. If you’re hearing this, I’m probably out at sea. Shoot me a text, or leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you.[message beep]AVALON:
[irritated/worried] February.[low beep]ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Message dele–[smartphone taps]
[dialing]
[phone calling]
[beep]FEBRUARY:
[recorded voicemail message] Hey, this is Feb. If you’re hearing this, I’m probably out at sea. Shoot me a text, or leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you.[message beep]AVALON:
[worried] February, I don’t know where you are. Now? Really? Now? Of all the times to– If you’re ignoring me… if you’re in one of your–[low beep]ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Message deleted.[smartphone taps]
[dialling]
[phone calling]
[beep]FEBRUARY:
[recorded voicemail message] Hey, this is Feb. If you’re hearing this, I’m probably out at sea. Shoot me a text, or leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you.[message beep]AVALON:
Feb. If you’re still alive… please call me. Or come find me. Hell knows if you’ll be able to call me when you get this. I’ll be–
I’ll be at the lighthouse.[end call beep]
[FADE OUT]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February and Cody Heath as the voice of Avalon Martin.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
If you rate and review us on your podcatcher of choice, you get one message in a bottle from a long lost friend.
Find us on Twitter and Tumblr at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening.[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #9
“Captain’s Log: 9”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log: 9th Entry[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks on]
[Continued: Muted sounds of the sea and water lapping at the ship]FEBRUARY:
Call me Captain. This is my log. It is the 14th of November, in the year of our lord 1851.
[short pause]
You know, I- I wish I had a nemesis who was also a multivalent allegory. I don’t think that I would drag my whole crew into chasing after said multivalent allegory and send them to their deaths, but you know.
[a breath]
I wouldn’t be able to gather a whole crew together in the first place, so really…
[scoff]
I mean, I certainly wouldn’t be able to convince them to follow me to their deaths, you know? And there is only place for one twinky guy trying to find meaning in the world on THIS ship. You can’t have another guy come in here and steal my spotlight.[pause]
[breath]But I mean - the thing about Captain Ahab is that he is just so motivated?
Ah, I mean, I suppose you could say the enthusiasm is misplaced? He’s racing like mad after a whale with an undisclosed fetish for feet, or legs or whatever, but… I don’t know, at least he’s chasing after SOMETHING.
I mean, he was incensed about this whale!
The best part is, if you think about it - really think about it - Moby Dick was just whaling around!
He was just having a good time.
A whale of a time, even!
And then one day, THIS guy shows up, zonked out of his gourd with a desire to whale, and Moby Dick’s just like: “that’s enough outta you mate!” and chomps his leg off!
And I respect that! And I bet all the other whales were pretty chuffed about the retribution.
[short pause]
Even me, I would have clapped that whale on the dorsal fin for doing the whole entire world a service.
You couldn’t pay me to go on a whaler, and I’ll tell you that much for free.
[breath]
On that note, have you ever seen a whale? They’re massive!
And yet they don’t go throwing their weight around. They’re the world’s chillest creatures! You wouldn’t even think that they could be violent!
Killer whales aside.
Or that have foot fetishes, but that’s– that–
[breath]
You know?
[short pause]
Whatever.
[breath]
But truly, the world was Melville’s oyster when he wrote this, and plenty of people were able to suspend their disbelief while reading the book so… who am I to judge.
I’m not here to yuck anyone’s yum, after all.
[pause]
Anyway. Ahab - he’s sailin’ away with his crew and twinky narrator in tow. He’s on a mission to get that…. Moby… Dick– And nobody’s going to tell him that he can’t!
It gives him purpose. Purpose, positionality… a heading… Say what you will, that man has a plan and he is STICKING TO IT.
[short pause]
Listen, you might think it’s misguided of me to place the life of a fictional whaler on here as an image of a man with purpose, and I’m certainly not trying to say he’s my role model or whatever, but– igh, I don’t know…
[breath]
I wish I felt that strongly about something?
Anything.
To have purpose, you need to have something that… calls to you, in a way.
Though, I’m actually sure I have it wrong there. Ahab’s whole… um… shtick isn’t purpose, but obsession. A consumptive obsession, which is kinda funny because he does get, quite literally, consumed by his obsession.
And I don’t want that, I don’t think.
I suppose in a way, the idea of being so utterly obsessed with something is quite romantic?
I mean, that’s why people like vampires so much, right? To be loved by something that can consume you? Ah, wait this is getting away from me.
[pause]
So… I’m not trying to be Ahab, not really.
The thing is, apart from aforementioned twinkyness, I’m not even Ishmael. Barring the fact that I have none of the biblical references abound in my life like in his narrative, I’m not at sea because I thought I’d find some meaning here!
I’ve never looked at the vast expanse of the ocean and thought: “ah yes, by boarding a vessel, the gods will grant me answers to all my questions!”.
[short pause]
[scoff]
And what kind of answer does Ishmael even get at the end of it all?
What meaning?
Floating away in a coffin, the god-like-but-in-the-end-quite-human-actually Captain Ahab is dead in the water, cosplaying as the Other Famous Literary Figure To Get Eaten By a Whale, and– all Ishmael has is a story!
That’s no meaning!
That’s just… a weird story about a whale who turned out to be a multivalent allegory, which is NEAT for him because it wouldn’t be the same if the whale wasn’t a multivalent allegory!
[short pause]
So really, at the end of it all, I’m just me.
And even after all my blabbing about wanting purpose, and a heading, and just something to aim for, even if it is a search for meaning, I’m no closer to it! Because yeah, I’m not even searching for meaning.
(loud) What fucking meaning?![pause]
[quick breath](exasperated) Did you know that the alternative title for Moby Dick is just “The Whale”?
The Whale!
All that obsession and that anger and it’s just “The Whale”! What a– What a fucking lame name!What– Who the fuck cares?!
Not me!
I don’t even–! I haven’t even read the book!
(abruptly, irritated) End log!
[Recorder clicks off]
[Pause]
[Recorder click back on]
[Footsteps on carpeted stairs]
[Doors being unlocked and opened]
[Continued: subtle hum of electronic equipment]
[Footsteps as Feb walks in]
[Doors close]
[Footsteps shuffling and fabric rustling]FEBRUARY:
I’m going to try –[Recorder being placed down]FEBRUARY:
–the comms radio again.[Feb picking up the radio]
[Footsteps]
[Fabric rustling]FEBRUARY:
Fuck, ok–
If I could put it like–[Button clicks]
[Continued: Static]
[Feb murmuring to themselves as they browse through different frequencies]
[Weird glitching in the static]FEBRUARY:
No–
Ughm–[uneven, angry breathing]
[Button clicks]
[Static shuts off]FEBRUARY:
Fuck. This. Fuck! EVERYTHING![Feb grunts]
[Radio being slammed on the floor and destroyed]
[Overlayed: weird static that then gets cut off as the radio stops working]
[Feb hyperventilating]FEBRUARY:
Ough– Wh– No– What have I done. What have I done… I– Uh– N–[Distressed breathing]
[Fabric rustling as Feb takes the recorder]
[Recorder clicks off]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
Rate and review us on your favorite podcatcher for one funny shaped whale.
Please find us on Tumblr and Bluesky at All At Sea Pod. ☺️
Thank you for listening.[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #10
“CAPTAIN’S LOG: 10”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme - it goes wrong: slowing down, breaking up into static]
[Doors open]
[♪ MUSIC: String, pensive melody]NARRATOR:
A Place As Beautiful As This is a new audio drama side-quest from The Heart Is A Dungeon.[pause]There are no dice in this story, but there are ghosts, love and an unleashed sincerity daring the stars to watch.[pause]Find us.[pause]You won’t regret it.[Radio chatter - flipping through stations, robotic voices that start talking but never finish, radio static and cracking]
[♪ MUSIC: Piano, somber melody]
[Sound of a passing car]NARRATOR:
The way she lived her life left no room for the blade or the charm.PERSON #2:
But… Someone must learn how to love in these spaces.NARRATOR:
She sung to herself:PERSON #2:
♪ Someone must learn how to love in these spaces.
NARRATOR:
♪ (with Person #2) Someone must learn how to love in these spaces.[A far away police siren]
[Music fades]
[Static crackling]
[Doors being closed and locked]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme transitioning from wrong & distorted to regular]
[Sounds of waves]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log - Tenth Entry[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks]
[Continued: muted sounds of a ship at sea]
[Echo of the engine room]FEBRUARY:
Captain’s log! Today is the 10th of April. The year? 1912. And this here vessel is sure as hell NOT unsinkable.
But do you know what IS unsinkable? The indomitable human spirit.
Or something. I have that, I’m SO sure. Well, I mean I sure as hell have no other options. If, well– I’ve floated out this current option for long enough and it’s taken me, quite literally, nowhere.
The currents might have taken me one way or another, I’m not too sure, what with my compass being utterly unusable and the stars in the sky remaining stubbornly behind cloud cover–[breath]–but no. For all I know, I’m like, pf, one of those little diagrams that they put in primary school biology textbooks – or like the Fun Fact books, I’m not too sure – of seagulls when they’re drifting on the water in the bay.
I mean, I’ve forgotten the mechanics of it, but–[breath]I still remember the little pictogram that they used to represent the seagull, and the movement of the water.
Whatever the physics behind that one was, the point remained that the seagull was unmoved by the movement of the water. And despite not knowing anything whatsoever about the time I’ve spent here, I have a sneaking suspicion that that’s exactly what I’ve been. Unmoved.[short pause, breath]I was so… sure that the waters would carry me. Movement hadn’t seemed like it was doing anything or had done anything, so. I tried not moving. And instead, I realize now that I was probably in a state of self-induced becalming.
Imagine that!
And I call myself a sailor.
[mocking tone] Oh you can’t be a sailor, your ship has no sails–
[normal tone] Listen, I am the master of my fate and I am the captain of my soul, I can be a sailor if I want to be.[pause]Whatever.
Let’s not get bogged down by the jargon.
The fact of the matter is, I am taking whatever steering wheel there is to take into my own hands. The rudder, if you will.
And this might be a terrible idea. In fact, I might well and truly run out of petrol for the engine, and then eventually die from starvation unless I am able to catch some fish.
WHICH I will have to do the old-fashioned way, because there is no way in hell I will be able to operate–
– because I don’t FEEL like getting all this machinery to work again.[short pause]
But then the thirst, and then the scurvy and it’ll be great. It’ll be so so great.[short pause]These things are just hypotheticals, of course. They MIGHT happen if I don’t go sailing, but they WILL happen if I just continue on like I always have.
Definition of insanity, or what have you.[short pause]The thing about having set out somewhere in the Pacific ocean is that either I am very close to land, or I am drifting towards America and am well and truly stuck in the middle of nowhere.
I’m hoping for the former, but–
Then again, hope is hard to come by in THIS instance because the fact that I was NOT seeing land when I SHOULD have been seeing land is what led me to give up on the whole idea of moving forward in the first place.[chuckling] And now I’m waffling again.[Pause, a breath]
Ah. Well.
As Vusu would say to me, “Hurry your ass up or swim laps”.
[Sound of the recorder being put down]
[Rustling]FEBRUARY:
Ok, so–
[Switches being flipped, buttons presses, knobs turned]FEBRUARY:
And here, and there, and–
[electronic beep][The engine starts up]
[Feb picks up the recorder]
FEBRUARY:
[with laughter] A! Yeah, I’ve done it![laugh]
[Feb runs up the stairs - it goes from wooden steps to metal]FEBRUARY:
I’ve ACTUALLY done it!
[more laughter]
Ohh my gods![Doors swing open and shut]
[Continued, background: blowing wind, working boat engine, waves lapping energetically against the ship]
[Feb’s fast steps on The Deck]FEBRUARY:
[joyful, in a way that feels slightly too enthusiastic] We’re off! Onwards, forwards, ahoy and avast![laughter]
[a little calmer] Let it not be said that I decline forever to the abhorred abode where hope and I part company.[laugh][slightly breathless, but with a smile] No, no, see, the thing is - hope is the thing with feathers! It’s the fucking thing with feathers and I will not sit in a cage anymore!
Aah!
Yeah…
Ah!
Maybe… Maybe… I can find… the lighthouse.
[laugh]
End log.[Recorder clicks off]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
Rate and review us on your favorite podcatcher for wave noises with express delivery.
Please, find us on Tumblr and Bluesky at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening.
[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #11
“CAPTAIN’S LOG: 11”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme]
ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log - 11th Entry
[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks]
[Continued: Sounds of a ship at sea, engine running, wind hailing]FEBRUARY:
Captain’s– oh, no, wait–[Footsteps on the deck as Feb walks up to the door]
[Door opens]
[Feb steps inside]
[Door closes]
[Continued: muffled sounds of a ship at sea, engine running, wind hailing]
[Feb walks through a carpeted floor up a set of stairs]
[Another door opens]
[Feb steps inside]
[Door closes]
[Continued: Subtle machine humming]
[Chair creaks as they sit down]FEBRUARY:
That’s it. I forget it’s noisy out there now.
Anywho.
Captain’s log! Today is the 2nd of February 2000. Nothing happened on this day, and nobody cared. It was an ordinary day. Particularly snowy in Alaska perhaps. Particularly sunny in Australia, too.[short pause]But then again, you’d be hard pressed to find a non-sunny day in Australia – or so I’ve heard.
[pause]
Things I’ve noticed since actually moving:
One, I think I might be well and truly lost.
When I tell you there is no sighting of land, I mean I have seen absolutely fuck all since making my rather dramatic decision to throw all my fuel to the wind. And by that I mean, I haven’t thrown all my fuel to the wind, that would be EXTREMELY ill-advised and downright terrible for the environment-
Two…
Actually, there is no second point. There has been nothing, and I mean NOTHING else to notice. I feel like an idiot, actually, spending my days on deck staring out over what is undoubtedly the middle of the Pacific ocean, wishing for something, anything to see.
A buoy. A rock.
I haven’t even seen any whales even! No dolphins either, but I have an icicle’s chance in hell of seeing them if I am as deep in as I suspect I am. Metaphorically and, literally, that is.[short pause]
I haven’t even seen that mutinous fishbone again.
[pause]
I mean. I would have at least thought that I’d catch sight of A bird. At least one?
But no, auh- No birds, no fish, no whales, no sharks, no sun, no nothing.[scoff-laugh]
I’d even take the sight of a whaler now. Even though whalers suck and I’ll explode them with my mind…
Which is probably not the best thing to put on what is supposed to be a professional log… oh but who cares.
IF there is anyone who will listen to this, and who knows a non-zero amount about fishing, I bet they’re probably saying–
[Imitating another person] “February, you’re on a longliner, doesn’t that make you just as bad?”
First off, I’m offended. Second off, that was a lie, I’m not really offended, but–
To be honest… no? The one thing I actually liked about the Zenith and why I wanted to join the crew was because it wasn’t such an exploitative business that Laufey had going–[abrupt pause]I mean– No! Do you really think I’d run a ship where I was pulling the sea empty? Absolutely not. The Zenith is a local ship, I supply primarily for independent businesses and restaurants in and around Alaska. I’m not part of some massive company… or anything?
[pause]
Ah, this is all besides the point anyway. Which was…
Oh, yeah, my point.
I haven’t seen anything or anyone in the sea at all. I could ignore it, of course, when I was still in my state of self-becalming, but–[short breath]–now? Not even a BIRD?
I don’t know. It seems fishy.
Hphah. A pun.
[short pause]
Anyways. End log.[Recorder clicks off]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
Rate and review us on your favorite podcatcher… for seaweed! 😊
Please, find us on Tumblr and Bluesky at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening.[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #12
“CAPTAIN’S LOG: 12th Entry”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[Sounds of waves]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme - it goes wrong: slowing down, breaking up into static]
[Doors open]
[♪ MUSIC: Paddleboat theme]
[Continued: ambient sounds of the outside, cars driving past somewhere in the near distance, people chatting]NARRATOR:
When I go running to the top of the hill all I see is this- this need.
Because… Whenever I… run to the top of the hill I feel like I can get out of the city and I feel like I’ve been in the city too long? Because… any time I run and I see space and places and people and things all I feel the need to do is point and go “oh! It’s a sheep!” or “oh look! It’s a little pony!” or…
“It’s the sea”…
And the sea is vast. And the sea is… enormous and the sea is so distant and it’s not even a mystery it’s just… huge. D’You have any idea what it feels like to be in a city that you view as huge and then look out at a SEA? At an ocean? And feel suddenly… small.
Not just small but insignificant, but not so insignificant, but an atom in a city in a world that the sea exists in?[pause]
And then I feel so… tired.[pause]I just want to go home.[pause]Paddleboat is a microfiction podcast created by Rhys Lawton and James Curtis. It is produced by Rhys Lawton and James Curtis and with very very special thanks to CL Hendry.
It’s just the– It’s just the thing with people trying their best, okay?
It’s available at Paddleboat Podcast… wherever… wherever everything is… and… we try.[Static crackling]
[Doors being closed and locked]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme transitioning from wrong & distorted to regular]
[Sounds of waves]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log - Twelve Entry[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks]
[Continued: muted sounds of a ship at sea]
[Echo of the engine room, board creaking]FEBRUARY:
Captain’s log. Today is May 17th. The year? [imitating a southern accent] Nineteen-hundred, ladies and gentlefolk. And boy-howdy wouldn’t you know it, we ain’t in Kansas anymore.[pause]I’ve been thinking about the cloud cover. It is constant.
I don’t know when the last time was that I saw the sun. Especially with time having done what it did, I… can’t say for certain how long the cover has been there. I mean, obviously it came after the storm, but seeing as I don’t even know what day it is, I don’t think I can make an educated guess?[short pause, scoff]Much less an uneducated one.
Whatever the clouds are made of, it’s powerful stuff. I spent an entire day out on deck in the week after the rains had stopped, and nothing. No sunburn whatsoever. Which didn’t make sense. Because you know, when there’s light, but no rain, and the clouds are covering the sky – that’s when you get burnt.
I remember putting up a big ole fuss each time we had athletics day at my school, not wanting to wear sunscreen because I hated how it felt on my skin, it made me feel all wriggly and wrong, and how it was cloudy anyway. And Ben would go on a long lecture about how cloudy days are the days you’ve got to look out for, because they’re the days that really burn you, since you wouldn’t be watching out for the sun and meanwhile the UV rays are turning you into bacon.
So of course, me on this ship with my bottle of AfterSun decided to test that theory once more.
Like I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be 17 with a nose that was flaking skin like it was shedding season. But nothing happened.
Which–
Heh.
Time for a drinking game! Take a shot every time I say about, phh, I don’t know, anything at all that it “didn’t make sense” and then when you’ve finished that game, you can play a game called Try Not To Die From Alcohol Poisoning![short pause]Before starting, please bequeath unto me all of your mortal possessions. Except if you have a collection of Russian nesting dolls, in which case - I don’t want those.[shudders]
[short pause]But as I was saying–
The cloud cover. Honestly, if I weren’t so sure that I am of sound mind and body, I would’ve probably guessed that I had fallen out of the world I grew up in, and into some strange parallel plane of existence. Some sort of… purgatory.
[short pause, light scoff]
It sure feels like purgatory.
Trapped on a boat, with nothing but the sea around me, water and food abound, sure, fuel too, but just enough so I’m never fully secure of whether or not my survival is guaranteed in this weird liminal space.
It’s like some strange, pseudo-Tantalus situation.
You know–
that guy from Greek mythology who’s stuck in the afterlife with a tree laden with delicious fruit just out of his reach?
And I’m alone.
I’ve always said that I want to be alone, which is all good and well and I can function on my own - always have, always will - but being alone is something completely different from being lonely.
Being alone is something I’ve always been quite good at, I think? You can teach yourself how to blend into the background.
Avalon wouldn’t let me get away with it though, but then again nobody could be invisible next to him. A real chase-away-the-darkness kind of person. More than that though, I think they just see through my bullshit.
When I got this job, by the sheer luck of complaining to Vusu about something fully unrelated – and I told Avalon, I told them that I’d be at sea for 6 months of the year, every year… there was just something in the way they looked at me.
I– I think they could tell—[pause]Man… maybe I shouldn’t have thrown fishbone overboard.
[short pause, a quiet breath]
End log.[Recorder clicks off]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
Rate and review us on your favorite podcatcher for one certified February hat to protect you from the sun. 🌞
Please, find us on Tumblr and Bluesky at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening.[FADE OUT]
[END]
All At SeaEpisode #13
“CAPTAIN’S LOG: 13”Written by Noah Bell
Sound Design by Rowan Odom
Music by Butterscotch Bread
Transcript by El Carters[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme]
[Sounds of waves]ANNOUNCER:
Making Up Leeway presents - All At Sea
Captain’s Log - Thirteenth Entry[FADE OUT]
[Recorder clicks on]
[Continued: sounds of a ship at sea, muted sounds of a running boat engine]
[Recorder clicks off]
[Recorder clicks on again]
[Continued: muted sounds of a ship at sea]FEBRUARY:
Captain’s log.
Today is the day, the sun is shining, the tank is clean. 2003. Not to be confused with 2004. Happens to me every time.[chair creaks as Feb sits forward]FEBRUARY:
I mean, the sun isn’t shining, but if this world is a simulation and simulation in this case is me, sat on a ship that’s sat on the water that’s been poured into a bottle that’s been put onto the shelf of a god… then I hope the bottle is clean.
[short pause]
Maybe it isn’t. Maybe my ship in their bottle is on a part of the shelf that the god forgets to dust. And that’s why the sun isn’t shining.
It’s all dust.[pause]The thing is - apart from the sun not shining… there are no weather phenomena. And I mean none.
Well, you know. Apart from the exception which was the rains, but since then–[short pause]Actually, I’ve come to realise that I can bracket many things in this world into Before The Rains and After The Rains. Well–
This is another After The Rains bit.
I know it’s all dramatic in films when the character is on a boat, and they encounter a storm. They just see the clouds rolling in and everyone starts to panic, you know? Wind picks up and the crew scatters across the deck, tightening down loose objects and making sure everything is secure around the ship.
Makes for some good storytelling. Some real tense moments, which is… why I guess they have them in there.
It doesn’t really happen anymore? But then again – I don’t really know of any nautically themed films set in the modern day. Probably because it makes for less dramatic storytelling. Mostly because we have advanced forecasting equipment that tells us when to go out, when there is a possibility of a storm, and how safe it will be to go out. You’ll also be hard pressed to find a captain worth their salt and integrity willing to go out when there is a chance of sailing into a storm.
Which is why I’m convinced that the people who post those videos online about sailing right into a rogue wave are the same breed of people who chase tornadoes, you know? Storm chasers. The same kind of people who set up their tents to hang on sheer cliff-faces, for… some reason, or who enjoy caving of all things! No, thanks.
All so you can get a cool shot of the prow getting fully submerged in water, and the audience of your video can feel vicarious adrenaline from the safety of their bed at 2am.
Which, you know, far be it from me to judge. I love living vicariously through strangers on the internet at 2am. Or I used to, anyway.[short pause]Anyway, I’m getting off topic again. Since there is no identifiable weather phenomena I can see on the horizon, and since my nav systems as well as – you guessed it – my forecaster – is MIA in their ability to predict or inform me about… anything, I’ve just been wondering if I can try to… find a storm.
So far, no cigar. I’ve not been able to find a storm, or run into one, or have any rogue waves wash over my prow in video-ready fashion.
I’ve tried changing course multiple times, but I suppose this is the equivalent of walking in a desert. Or a forest.
I could be walking – or sailing – in circles.
Or I am just stuck in a ship stuck in a bottle stuck on the shelf of a cosmic being who became bored of shaking us around and now dust has gathered on the glass.
[staticky sounds creep in, faintly]
End log.[Recorder clicks off]
[FADE IN]
[♪ MUSIC: All At Sea Theme repeated]ANNOUNCER:
This episode of All At Sea is written and performed by Noah Bell as the voice of February.
Original music for the show is composed by Butterscotch Bread.
Rowan Odom is our sound designer.
Louis Wolf is our producer.
El Carters is our transcriber.
And show art is designed by Rusty.
Rate and review us on your favorite podcatcher for one singular, identifiable weather phenomenon.
Please, find us on Tumblr and Bluesky at All At Sea Pod.
Thank you for listening.[FADE OUT]
[END]